SS Outtakes
Sareen: Hug him AGAIN?! ...I need a drink.
Director: Oh, come on. You just put your arms around him like soooo...akehablkeal *waves bloody stump of arm*
Sareen:I said I needed a drink.
Rujko.
"World's Most Censored TV Show"
Rujko: ...'veta, my robe, if you would. ...'veta? *realizes she's not coming...sidles slowwwwly to left of stage after scene*
'Veta: *eyeing self in mirror* Why yes, I am ready for my closeup...
Koshu: *knocks head on overhead camera for fourteenth time* lakeaulbkeuDRYS WOULD YOU PEOPLE WATCH WHERE YOU PUT THAT THING?
Scene with Elakhi and Danny having serious makeout time...
Director: GET THAT NUMBSKULL OFF MY STAGE.
Nikado: ...*stops performing flail dance in background* Eeep? *fleeeee!*
Yasmin: *hears the commotion beyond her dressing room* ...hm. *gets up, locks the door just in time for Nikado to slam into the other side*
Dreor: ...what do you mean, the wagon scene with Serge is missing? ...YOU PEOPLE LET MY BOOBS GET STOLEN?!
Serge: *in back room "reviewing" tape* Hmm...yes, perhaps a little more glowy hand there...
Mahja: I believe there is a misunderstanding regarding my contract. It clearly states that you will pay me in blood, Unitarians, and buttsex. Not puppies. *shoves basket of poodles at Director*
Director: Okay, people, ready for the big Storming the Lab scene?
Sareen: No. I am most certainly not ready. *throttling Nikado* He stole and rewrote my script!
Nikado: *giggling maniacally*
Director: ...just what did he rewrite.
Nikado: In the storeroom scene, she will use her feminine wiles to trick Ilea into relinquishing all power!
Director: ...just what does feminine wiles entail?
Nikado: *waggles eyebrows at Director and Sareen*
Director: ...*turns back on throttling* Attention, please, I believe we will be short one Nikado for this scene. Writers, please make amendments!
Sareen: *continues throttling*
Nikado: lkaeublikleauKLUAIEADJGKkdaue
Sareen: *sneaks into the room where the scripts are kept late at night* >_> *finds Nikado's script, takes out pen* <_<
Next day on set, Nikado and Yasmin have reunion scene.
Yasmin: Nikado, you fool, what took you so long to get back?
Nikado: *reading thoughtlessly from script* Weeeelll...there was the urgent and oh so pressing matter of satisfying Mahja's every need. Mmm, hot hot buttsex................SAREEEEEEEEN! *goes flailing off after elf who was snickering from sidestage before being spotted*
Director: Okay, I will repeat this one more time. *talking to the cameramen* When Rujko and Sareen hit the smut part of the reunion and Sareen disrobes, you are to turn the cameras cleverly toward the surprised and elegantly cleaning her paw as she ponders leaving the room Cvetanal. NOT focus on the bed.
Cameramen: *nodnodnod*
Director: Okay, let's roll.
Ten minutes later...
Sareen: *thinking they're to the part where the cameras turn away* Well, now that we've done that for the fourth time, may I have a drink? *stretches, realizes the cameras are still on her* ...jLEKAUBLEKjlkdajelakl
Rujko: *sidling slowwwwwwwwwwly to right of stage this time*
*middle of wild torture scene on Chaos Isle*
Mahja: And now, we finally come to the part where I get to choose a souvenir! Hmm, what shall I choose...
Director: CUT CUT CUT! *points furiously to backdrop of scene* WHAT is that short THING with the glasses cackling back there? I did not request that!
evil!tia: .......*focuses on strong sense of Not Thereness*
Sareen: *on the Today show the day after the airing of the ship scene where she has nightmares of Nikado dying*
Today Host: So, Sareen, tell us what it was like for you...er, your character to finally confess the depth of her concern for Nikado?
Sareen: ...you did not just ask me that. *turns to manager off stage* Did she just ask me that? ...oh. Well. *turns back to Host* If you really must know, he always smells like he was dropped in the middle of a drunken orgy for five days straight...so it wasn't pleasant. I think I need a drink now. *ambles off stage*
Today Host: *blink* ... *quickly turns to camera* We'll be right back after these EMERGENCY MESSAGES.
Nikado: *sneaking into Sareen's dressing room at night* >_> *removes one of her knives from its sheath* <_< *replaces it with used condom, sneaks back out*
Next day on stage, Sareen is involved in scene where she is supposed to stab an imp through the crotch...
Sareen: You are filth. Killing you would be a mercy. Castrating you, however... *draws weapon, slams it down on imp's crotch*
Imp: ...*blink*
Sareen: ...*blink*
Imp: ...*sloowwww grin* Why, 'Reenie, why didn't you say so? Of course I'll have smut with you.
Sareen: ............NIKADO! *scrambles offstage after snickering Nikado*
Director at press conference at end of season: -- and so my therapist and I have come to an agreement that while the ShadowStar series is definitely great for my fame and fortune, it is most definitely not good for my *shudder* mental health. The endless pranks, the incessant nudity, the -- *sob!* -- the horrific and constant death and torture scenes...I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. *flings self out window to fall twenty stories*
Director: *on the phone* Okay. I understand. Yes...yes. ...no! ...yes. Yes, I understand. ...of course I like my job, I-- Yes...yes. Alright. Have a ni--...*slams phone down, turns to cast* Okay, everyone, we just got word from the writers' studio on whether or not there will be five more seasons...
Everyone: *various manners of hopeful expression*
Director: But before I let you know, I want to remind you all that we are civil, decent people. We are only putting on a show. That's all. A show.
Everyone: *various manners of hopeful impatience!*
Director: ...yes, there will be five more seasons.
Everyone (but Nikado): NOOOOOO! *various manners of suicide*
Nikado: ...awww, you mean no one wants to play with me anymore?
Director: Now, Sway, I know you don't like your brother, but the polls say that much of our audience greatly enjoys the elements of family angst we include in Shadow St--
Sway: AGH. I realize you think I am made of rubber. I realize you offered to buy me seven rounds of Toddy's drinks in order to loosen me up to the idea. I realize I just put on a lovely little table dance for half the crew. But I'm telling you. If I see him one more time, I am going to shove you up his arsil!
Director: ...then I suppose the spinoff reality show where your brother seduces El--
Sway: UP. HIS. ARSIL!
Aluka/Jo reunion scene...
Jo: I would punch you if I could see you.
Aluka: *spreads hands innocently* But, Jo, I didn't mean to get captured by...
Jo: ...I don't think you're supposed to pause there. *glances to Director* Is he supposed to pause there?
Alistra (off stage w/in Aluka's line of sight): *waggles eyebrows*
Aluka: *dives off stage to tackle Alistra*
Director: CUT! CUT CUT CUT CUT EWWWWW. Okay, cover the cameras! I don't want to have to replace blood-stained lenses again! Clear the set! *glances back toward Alistra/Aluka mess, runs toward exit* CLEAR THE SET OR LOSE YOUR LUNCHES.
*in back room*
Nikado: And that's how I met your mother.
Tosh: ...ewwwww.
Nikado: Exactly.
Tosh: ...OH OH OH. Now tell the one about how you had crazy...what was the word Sareen used...oh! Buttsex with Mahja! What's buttsex?
Nikado: ...excuse me. I'm late. For a very important date. With an elf. ...and maybe some nyuukstones.
Shion: *practicing for naked-dancing-on-roof scene in dressing room*
Sway: *waltzes in* Hey, Shion, I found the most wonderful reci--HELLO. *bolts back out, forgets to close door*
Mahja: *walks by in her wake, glances in* OOOOH, ARE YOU MY NEW PAYMENT?
Shion: lkeaubilekjKLUAEILJKdkdualeiku2
Elakhi: *sneaking around in the crew's lounge*
Danny: *yawns, strolls in in search of a decent couch for napping*
Elakhi: ...! *pockets the little trinkets she was thieving*
Danny: ...what are you doing in here?
Elakhi: ...not stealing, that's for sure! Nope, am a Patroller now, yep! *makes a run for it*
Danny: If you weren't stealing, then why do you have that "i just scratched a really bad itch" look when we haven't been near a bed for weeks?
Elakhi: ...uhh...becauuuuuse...oh look there's Varaae! Are those your underwear on his head?
Danny: *turns to look*
Elakhi: *totally makes a break for it!*
Chisulo: THE KITTY MAN IS COMING, THE KITTY MAN IS COMING! *toots trumpet thing he found in the prop room as he races through the stage room*
BW: *trails half-heartedly after* I really really need a new set of friends.
Honey: Oh, he's not that bad if you lock him out at night.
BW: :D
Honey: :D
BW + Honey: *totally randomly make out*
Cast & Crew: ...
Director: ...oh, I give up. Get that on film someone. We'll sell it on the underground fan network...
Director: Okay. I think we're ready for the big dumb gargoyle now. Alistra, prepared for your crushed arm scene?
Alistra: *excited mumbles as she pauses in attack on Sareen scene*
Director: Okay, bring in Ajalaaus!
Gargoyle handler: Ahem. I am afraid he is going to be a little late.
Director: What the hell fo--
Ajalaaus: *bounds in, pauses in "dramatic hero" pose in middle of room, speaks in lavish exotic voice* Hello, my adoring peers. You will of course excuse my tardiness. I was attending the most excellent afterparty for my latest operatic accomplishm--
Director: You. On stage. Play dumb. NOW.
Kurai: *on Today show after three-episode sequence on attack at Firstday airs*
Today Host: So, Kurai, splendid show last night!
Kurai: Thank you. I thought this was an interview, not a kiss-my-feet-so-I-don't-cut-off-your-labia meeting.
Today Host: ...of course. Well, ahem, we've gotten so many letters from Shadow Star fans concerning you and all of them have been dying to ask...
Kurai: Yes?
Today Host: Who are you shacking up with next?
Kurai: ...why, I should have thought that was obvious. ANYONE I PLEASE. CRAZ OFF. *giggle* Or craz fest. Whichever you prefer. In fact, we could start right n--
Today Host: *panicky look at camera* EMERGENCY MESSAGES, EMERGENCY MESSAGES.