SHADOWSTAR FOR DUMMIES
(aka, how NOT to make a character!)

The Clanky Assassin
How does one slay a sword, anyway?
Half the profile ran away...
Angst me.
Half-breed cards are NOT in play, thank you.
There's an Abercrombie and Fitch in Cascadia? Who knew?
All hail the King!
"You're not Japanese." "Hai!"
Darwinism and Duncecapping: It's the NEW D&D.
Evil trolls are proud to present...THE UBARSUE.
Goth-Boy And His Magical Growing Vegetable!
Gypsy Princess, Nuff Said.
Six Paragraphs of Weapons and Two Lines on Appearance

Example 1: The Clanky Assassin

(Okay, this guy is like the king of the Shadowstar godmoders. His first avatar character he kept begging to be made a Knight GM. So we made him the "Guardmaster", the GM of the Guards faction, which I'm convinced was a position solely made to shut him up. His female fantasy character's girlfriend was a mermaid/angel. I have no idea how she swam.)

Name: Thamior Nailo
Age: 200
Gender: Male
Species: Elf
Height: 5' ¼"

Appearance: Somewhat normal elf build, but with a few popping muscles on his arms, midsection, and legs (basicly, a buff elf).  (I'm getting this mental image of Legolas's and Goku's love child.) Brown shoulder legnth hair, with a few strands hanging down in front, tucked behind his ears.  And the typical of elf eyes - green.  He has a fair compelxion, and is condsidered one of the more handsome elfs in the forest in which he lives (right outside of Cascadia<~I guess that would be where an elf village would be located right? take out before positing on sight~>).  He normaly has studded leather armor on, which leaves his right arm exposed.  He normally wears nothing on his head, but when he does, it is a leather healm.  He has a composite longbow, a hand crossbow, a short and long swords. (Compensation, anyone?)  Plus, he has about 75 shurikens and 20 throwing daggers hidden on person at a time. (Dani said it best. "*looks at all the weapons and can't help herself* *An assassin creeps through the night, a walking armory, stalking towards his sleeping victim...* CLANKETY CLANK CLANK CLANKETY THUNK! ")

Guild/Rank: Theives/Talon, and a Ranger (don't think that would have a guild) (Didn't we explain to you on your last character that no, we don't have rangers, and no, you can't make up guilds just cause you feel like it? Oh, and news flash: Shadow Star =/= D&D.)

Personality: Having a chaotic (not Chaos-chaotic means very micheavious, more or less), but is deadly none the less, but only when ordered to.  Mostly he steals things and spys on people, which he is expecially good at.  He tends not to get into serious relationships, but, if you can become one of his few friends, he is somewhat loyal. (And just think, this was his best character.)

Mother: N/A
Father: N/A
(Okay. So he just appeared out of thin air or something? o.0)

Biography: abandoned as a child in his hometown for some reason, (Cry. Tear.) he made a life for himslef as apprentice of a local ranger, and is quite skilled with blending into his surroundings.  Then, when he was about 145, he came to Cascadia and joined the theives guild, and found himself as a Talon, trained there, and is now 200.
Bond: Waiting to bond a Kraenon,. don't care if it is a royal (Translation: If I was posting as much as I did back when I had my two characters, I'd whine just as long and hard for a royal as I did for a GM.)

(The most fun with this character was his death. In a gladiator battle on Chaos Island against a girl with a frying pan, he turned wrong and impaled himself on all his weapons. :D)

Example 2: How does one slay a sword, anyway?

Persona Name = SwordSlayer (Who would give kids names like these?? Oh, wait...probably the same parents as Angela Serena Katrina Star Zirconia Silver Granger-Yuy-McCartney.)
Age = 300
Gender = Male
Species = Angel (Um, if he's an angel, and he's 300 years old, he must be some kind of mummy. Angels have human lifespans, which is around 100 years max. A winner is not you.)
loyalty = Neutral

Appearance = Average arch angle look (So, kinda round, but with corners?)- Tall Built rippling arms nice 6 pak. (6 pak? Nice, I was thirsty anyway. *snags one*) White hair very dark almost a brown tan. He's wearing a pure gold chest plate (Which is going to do absolute jack in battle. Pure gold is really, really soft.) that has a family cret ingraved in ithe has a 4' custom sword made of pure gold. (See previous.) He's wearing 2 rings on each hand. Left hand Ring 1 - Mothers gift to him when she put him up for adoption(said to bring the ability of shape - shifting) (If it weren't so unoriginal, it'd be painful. How about not?) Ring 2 - Ring that was wielded to his finger (Besides the obvious pun on 'wielded' as opposed to, oh, I don't know, welded? I'm not sure such a thing would even be possible.) as an identification tag of him and his (SUPAR SPESHUL POWARZ!!!1) abilities. Right hand - ring 1 - Ring of flames - has the ability to shoot a flame ball as if it were a flaming arrow (Nice try. Now try again.) RIng 2 - gold ring no special atributes. (SHOCK!!) He has a long black scar on his left arm where he was cut open in battle. in the center of his forehead there is a gold ball and it often couses sevier pain when touched. (Cause I don't know about you, but going around touching random people's foreheads is just at the top of my priority list.)

guild/rank = n/a

personality = Good Tempered untill asked to do a job then he's (OMG SO BADASS!!!1) ruthless and don't care who you are if you're in his way you're (Autoed by the player to be) dead. (Funny how he can spend a paragraph on his weapons and a sentence on his personality.)

mother = n/a
father = n/a
siblings = n/a
(What is it with these guys that just appear out of thin air? Not to mention he already referenced a 'mother' in the appearance.)

background = At the age of 2 SwordSlayer was put into an angel adoption agency because his parents couldn't deal with his abnormal abilities. (I don't blame them. Neither can we.) As he grew he found out he could morph his own body into human form, He could change into any shape, (There's only three ways to shapeshift, and they all have limits. *bzzt* Try again.) and that he could make day seem as night, and night seem as day. (Besides making no sense, sounding awfully godmodey, and not being tied to anything else in this profile, sounds great! When can you start?)
pet name = Night
pet = canine
(C'mon, now, everybody FAER the gothy pup of DOOM!)

Example 3: Half the profile ran away...

Persona Name = yu chen
age = 18
Gender = Male
Species = elemental (Besides the godmode potential inherent, which is why we rarely if ever give out elementals as first characters, there's no element actually specified. Not to mention that 18 is like, infantile for an elemental which can be 1000+ years old.)
loyalty = Unity (With friends like these...)

Appearance = long straight black hair, blue eyes, stronly builded, has a long sword on the back. the sword is all black. blue clothes, white pants, white shoes (I swear I am not making this shit up. The sad thing is, I think the sword got the most description...)

guild/rank = Knight (No rank, no faction. He's just kinda there...)

personality = always calm, love ladies, love to help the ones in trouble,

mother = Alliya-Mage-35
father = Alexander-Mage-40
(Besides the fact that I wonder how two so seemingly young elementals are mages and why, I'd love to know how 'Alliya' and 'Alexander' came up with the name 'yu chen' for their spawn.)

background =     (Awww. The poor little background got so frightened of this character that it ran away.)

pet name = Alando    
pet = raela
(Amazing how one can search through the world-building documents to find twinky rare pets, and yet can't be bothered to fill out a full sentence ANYWHERE.)

bond type = pheonix
bond name = Pheonal (The originality kills me.)
Bonded? = to be
sire/dam = Blakin (Just one? Did this bird asexually reproduce? OMG BUDDING)
Royal? = yes
appearence = golden, beautiful, (See above.)
bond personality = nice, love to help others, caring, considerate
ability = Making plants speak. (This is like the only original thing about this bird. And I think he yoinked it off our suggested bond abilities list, anyway.)

Example 4: Angst me.

Persona Name = Aramil Silvani
   Age = 117 (Which is like, infantile in Wylraen terms.)
   Gender = Male
   Species = Wylraen Elf
   other =
   loyalty = Unity
   Appearance =    Aramil is a young elf whose family was killed when he was very young by an orcish war band. (OMG TEH ANGST) Ever since then, he's had a deep hatred for orcs, and he made it a mission of his to find them and kill them.(MORE ANGST) That mission has become an obsession. (YET MORE AN--uh, what is this tidbit doing in the Appearance section, anyway? o.0)
                   Aramil stands 4'11", weighs 117 (The exact number as his age! How ironic!), has green eyes, and short brown hair. His skin is rougher than most elves, and his complexion is darker than that of his elven bretheren.
                   Aramil carries with him a longsword that once belonged to his father. It was the sword he took up to slay the orcs who had broken in his house. On the blade's back, opposite the single cutting edge, there are notches imprinted in the steel. Each notch represents an orc who he has slain. (Besides the logistics of 'what in the world is he cutting a sword with that's sharp enough?', talk about ruining a good blade. Oh, wait, maybe it's another pure gold blade.)
   guild/rank = Claeryn (Claeryn is a god. You are not him. Thanks for trying. )
   personality =    Withdrawn, but wise. (He's kinda like Legolas. Except not.) Aramil doesn't make many friends, but those who do become his friends are very special to him. (Wink wink nod nod. Nuff said.) Also, his trust is hard to gain, as it is to regain if a person breaks that trust.
                    Although he has a deep hatred for orcs, he favors good above all. He never wants to see anyone fall into the same position he was when his family was killed. (Dead?) Lost, alone, and confused. (I was close!)
   mother = Kiara Silvani (Deceased)
   father = Kendrick Silvani (Deceased)
   siblings = Younger sister: Aribeth Silvani (Deceased)
   background = (Another one that ran away! What, do people think this is optional or something?)
   pet name = Onix
   pet = feline
   other pet =
   pet description =    Onix is a panther who Aramil found bleeding on the ground from a hunter's arrow. Apparently Onix had lost the panther after being shot. Aramil, being the druid he was felt pity on the animal and rescued it. After nursing him back to health, he went to set the panter free, but the panter would not leave. Ever since that day three years ago, they've been together.

(Besides the wangst, the best part of this is where he puts that he's a god. Okay, so he probably meant he was a druid OF Claeryn, but I'm having fun.)

Example 5: Half-breed cards are NOT in play, thank you

ame: Dezso Dyre
Age: Old enough to know better, but still too young to care(long life but not old by any means being that his life span is anywhere from 1000 to 3000 years) (Yeah. How about you just cut the babble and give us a number?)
Gender:  male
Species :  Dragoon/demon (omg teh speshul!!1! He's elf, dragon AND demon!!1)
Appearance:  he can look like just about anything (which means i dun hafta make a description) though he is limited to humanoid forms and his own gender, (well, thank the Gods for small favors...) also his eys don't change (Not sure what an eys is, but I hope mine don't change either.) the irises are a deep green and his pupils are a red so dark you must look close to see they are not black (Because he's not REALLY Chaosian. He's just tragic and misunderstood and-- *is shot*)
Personality: Humble, kind, slow to anger but it's always simmering just below the surface (Tell me that's not wangst waiting to happen. liek omg i didn't MEEN to kill u!!!1)

Loyalty:  Unity (Am not evil. Really!)
Guild and Rank : Master Healer, Master Bard, Master Smith, Master Artisan, Apprentice Mage (...ahahaha. Riiiight. Hey, you forgot your Knight mastery! And despite all these masteries, I still have no idea what this character DOES for a living.)

Mother: Tiaret Dezso-slave to Chaotic demon-age unknown probably deceased (Any demon is powerful enough not to be used by anyone or anything. Sounds more like the town bicycle than a "slave". )
Father: Classifed (...who would care enough to label this information "classified", even assuming they knew?)
Siblings: unknown

A short biography: Tiaret was used for sex and got pregnant.  (WANGST) A Chaotic underling of her master's, a secret supporter of the Unity because he had fallen in love with Tiaret (...chaosians? Love? Does not compute. I think someone's missing the whole 'evil' thing.), helped Tiaret get the boy child to Shadow Star Isle.  The underling was caught upon returning by a militia group known for its hatred of Chaos and was killed brutally. (...so a Chaos guy who did a good thing is caught by anti-Chaos guys and 'killed brutally'? Did this guy even READ the info?)
   Apprenticed from the time he could walk Dezso learned quickly, first as a healer then an artisan, then a bard, then a smithy, (There are no words. Except maybe reiterating 'did this guy actually READ the info?') and even in now training as a mage. His life has been long and boring (Like this profile.) so I won't (bother to write any more) go into detail. (Because getting four masteries is just SO passe.)

Pets!
Name: Valin and Gya
Pet Type: Golden marmoset and a wynd
Description(s): look in an encyclopedia ;-P (Telling the mods to look up information on YOUR character is not a good way to make a first impression.) A tiny monkey who's very shy.
Gya:  grey-red-white calico with falcon wings female wingspan: 3 feet. Loves to play 'wynd and monkey' (At least this pet got a gender.)

Your Bond!
Bond type: Lupenons (3/4 Kraenon 1/4 wolf) (Okay, this irks me particularly cause lupenon were part of my worldbuilding. First off, they're not bondable. Secondly, there's only one litter produced by my characters. Seeing as the mother is dead, it's doubtful there will be another litter unless some other kraenon starts developing wolf-fetishes. Thirdly, kthxdie.)
Name: Calixx(m) and Leikohh(f) (Because having ONE bond like everyone else is just not good enough. Oh, and lupenon don't follow the kraenon naming schemes. )
Not expecting to bond (Funny, we're not expecting you to, either)
Sire and Dam: Sire: Kohll bonded to Mystia (Who?) and Dam: Tamri(1/2 Krae 1/2 wolf) (Who's this 'Tamri'? She certainly ain't one of the lupenon...)
Color(s) and Appearance: Calixx- light grey fur almost white he is smaller than his sister.  Leikohh- will grow to about 5-1/4' long, nearly 3' tall at
the head, fur is a light sable color.  She looks more like the sleek, lean Artic wolf than the stockier, heavier timber wolf her brother would be if he hadn't been the runt.
Personality: Calixx- shy, easily frightened but if the danger is too much for just Leikohh he will attack to defend her. He's stronger than he or anyone knows except Leikohh. (Because everyone knows that runts are the STRONGEST of the litter! That's why they're runts! ...my head hurts.) He can't or won't mindspeak to his bonded only project feelings. (angst)
Leikohh-strong and dominant. She respects only her brother (but not her bonded. Good, neither does anyone else.), knows there is a greater spirit in Calixx. She's not too sure about this bond thing with the two-legger, but she will protect her brother's interests. (You know, I just gotta wonder why he HAD to defile my lovely lupenon. Wasn't a fuggin' kraenon good enough? And TWO?)
Ability: This bond is so strong that Calixx and Dezso can trade places, mentally. (This also annoys me because I have a similar situation with one of my characters and his bond. Only they have a reason) though they will receive another ability after graduation that will include Leikohh

(Four masteries, two bonds that aren't actually bondable, two supar speshul bond abilities...God + Mode = You. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. )

Example 6: There's an Abercrombie and Fitch in Cascadia? Who knew?

Persona Name = Tiffany (Which is also the player's name. The originality, it overwhelms!)
Age = 18
Gender = Female
Species = Human
other = leader Wolf (So, she's a human, but she's a 'leader wolf'? Funny, I've not heard of that breed. Would it have been that hard to say 'anthro'? Not to mention asking for a power position as a first character, especially with a profile THIS bad, and it's like you're practically booting yourself.
loyalty = Unity
Appearance = blue and black hair. blue eyes. hott face.naecklace that says hottie.(I fear for anyone that describes themselves their character as 'hott'. Secondly, this is a fantasy RPG. As in, the only people described as 'hot' are the fire elementals. I almost wish she had been let in just so we could have all our characters think she was continually on fire. Then I remember I like having brain cells.) sharp claws,sharp teeth.indistructible, (As Angie puts it..."Can you spell godmode? Can you spell newbie? Can you spell capitalize? Can you spell...not approved?" Nothing's indescructable...I'm sure one of our players could find someway to bump yo' lame twinky ass off.) kills evil. (By the time I hit this, I was finding it difficult to breathe through my unscrupulous hoots of laughter. Not to mention I'm trying to figure out how 'kills evil' is something relating to appearance...)

guild/rank = wolf/human (Everyone should take this job. I hear it pays well and comes with a great benefits package.)

personality = nice/strong/good leader (I think she meant 'lame/twinky/wish-fulfilling'. I think that suits much better, and it's just the right length too!)

mother =
father =
siblings = (What is it with all these orphans we're attracting?)

background = (I'm running out of witty things to say about stupid people that somehow miss this field. At least give me a bad background to riff! T_T)

pet name = Scooby Doo (....Shoot me. Shoot me NOW.)

pet = canine
other pet = pet
description = Hotttttttt (This person sounds like they're all ready to RP some cyber with their pet dog. I'm highly disturbed. And Scooby Doo being described as hot, or rather, 'Hotttttttt', just made my brain commit ritual suicide.)

bond type = Pheonix
bond name = riounal (And here I was half expecting Scrappy. x_X)
Bonded? = no apply (No, wait, I changed my mind! It's just as well, if this person bonds I imagine they'll get down and do the funky with their bird, too. x_X;;)
sire/dam =
Royal? = yes (Ha ha ha. As if we'd let a lamer like you have one.)
appearence = blue and black (Figures, the one place where she could've used 'hot' and it would've made sense, and she didn't. *facepalm*)
bond personality = nice (and short. Or nice and lame.)

(You know, I always knew those teen fashion stores were evil incarnate, but I didn't know they encouraged beastiality!)

Examples 7 and 8: All hail the king!

(I present to you...the King of Godmoders, himself and his hoochiemama!)

Name: Zack (Just like every other one of his avatars. He tried to convince me he was Goku's brother who piloted a Gundam in my anime RPG.)
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Species: Angel
Height: 6'

Appearance: He is very strong, although he doesn’t look like it, (Do they EVER?) he has Long white hair,(with a capital L! Look, it's Yue!) and has blue eyes with some silver vains.(Yeah, he is pretty vain...oh, wait. Silver VEINS in his EYES? Like, omgwtf. Bbq, even. And an 'eww' on top.) His wings are pure white, just like any other normal pair of angel wings. (Which is kinda funny, actually, as I think he's the only angel PC that's had white wings...) He wears a loose jerkin and loose leather pants, a thick belt, with his sword attached, and a light pair of leather boots. His dress armor is real pretty (It worries me when a supposedly straight guy describes his character as 'pretty'...)(scuse me but I’m sugar high) (And children, today's lesson is that we Do Not Submit Profiles While "Sugar High" or Otherwise Mentally Incapicitated.), and his silver, with green in places, plus some gold too. It also has a cloak that can be put over it as well. His battle armor is the same, but not as bright and much, much tougher (It wouldn't surprise me if he tried to convince the mods it's indescrutable mythril.)

Guild/Rank: Guard/Guardmaster; Mage/Wanderer (You know, if you MUST be a knight AND mage, be a battlemage. Just think of all the beauracrats that have to deal with the paperwork of one guy in two guilds! And yes, we did make that position up just so he'd quit bitching about wanting to be a friggin' guardmaster.)

Personality: Quite cocky at times, (I have to say he played that particular part of his personality annoyingly well.) Zack’s always acting like he’s still a teenager, because he (is) doesn’t want to let the good times go. Though, when it comes down to it, he can act his age, and get the job down. (I am supar speshul man that fixes the bad!) And, he’s definitely a ladies’ man (read: player is desperate) (but, he taken girls (read: too impatient to wait for a real girlfriend)[too much Pepsi…] (Children, see above note.)

Background: Having grown up with relatives of his mom in Cascadia Falls, since his parents died (What parents? I swear I didn't delete that part of his profile. ...come to think of it, have we had ANY characters here with parents?) when he was young and he doesn’t remember much about them. He was always around the city, playing, seeing all the people in the guilds go about their business. Liking the mages guild (not meaning he actually had any magical talent, but why should that stop him?), he joined when he was 14 as a Warmage (Riiiight. You can't really specialize til you hit Wanderer, anyway.) , and got to Wanderer at the age of 19, and then went on to become a guard. Working hard for 2 and a half years, and eventually made his way to the position of Guardmaster. (Because lordy knows going from page to Master in two and a half years is a snap. No wonder the other factions look down on the Guards.)

Bond Type: Equine
Bond Name: Ryshonn
Already Bonded; On Survival Trip (He actually tried to make his horse a royal when we didn't give him one. *facepalm*)

Bond Personality: Strong-willed but friendly, likes children, but a fighter when he needs to be.
Bond Description: A powerfully built copper bay equine colt with black points (muzzle, legs, ear tips, mane, tail). A white star is on his forehead.

(And now, to further the pain, here's his imaginary girlfriend female character. He at one point gave her up because he couldn't play females, then took her back. Guess he got dumped. You know, I didn't think it was possible, but this one is worse.)

Name: Karen (See above notes on Zack's alter egos? Now imagine all that, but female.)
Age: 22
Gender: female
Species: Water Angel (He was actually proud he 'invented' them. They're mer/angels. Whoopie freakin doo da.)
Height: 5'10"

Description: She has top-of-the-neck length blue hair (You know, I didn't know she had blue hair til I read this, and I'm not sure anyone else did either. We all thought she was blonde, and I swear it wasn't completely because of the blonde stereotype.), blue-green eyes, is extremely (may seem out of place, but….) hot, as in PERFECT features (Dude, can this guy not beg someone to just buy him a blow up doll already?) (in a guys mind, no one’s perfect) (...well, nice thing I'm female, cause I think she sucks.), her wings are the color of her hair when out of the water, and very, very dark blue when in, and the feathers convert to be like a penguin’s wings (Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over! I mean, really, penguin wings? On a humanoid back? This is almost as bad as the Transformer with the head of a thirteen year old.). She is fairly strong, but she really doesn’t need it that (Yeah, it is a rather redundant feature, we already know you're a godmoder), since she’s a Mage, and a Guard (Of course, being a guard requires no strength whatsoever. *facepalm*).

Guild/Rank: Mage/Master, Guard/Squire (A character getting one mastery in their early twenties is pushing it. A character getting their mastery earlier and partway through a completely unrelated field in their early twenties is mock-worthy.)

Personality: Very kind and gentle, until she’s needed, then she will always come through (You know, I'm staring at these words, and I think they're supposed to connect logically, but I just can't do it.). If a friend is hurt or in trouble, she will be there for them. (*gag*)

Mother: N/A
Father: N/A (Uh, yes, it DOES apply, unless you materialized out of thin air. At least give me an 'Unknown' to mock.)

Background: She had amnesia till she was ten, and has been regaining her memory for a while. (Read: I don't feel like putting much in here.) She has lived in an orphanage in Cascadia Falls till she was 13, when she ran away. (angst angst angst, cliche cliche cliche) She joined the mages guild as a healer mage. She met Zack when she was 20, and has been dating him ever since. (The fact that his avatar is dating his other character...well, not only is it apparent he's never had a girlfriend, it kinda explains why.) The odd thing is, she didn’t find out that she was a water angel till the first time she ever went in the water (Dude. BATHING.) which was on her 21st birthday (You know, I gotta question how a kid with no discernable parents from an orphanage knows her age, let alone her birthdate.), just a few months from becoming a master mage (Well, that was a short and fun-filled eight years of sudden mastery. Not to mention she somehow makes it straight to a squire/journeyman rank within a single year.), she got pushed into a canal by accident, and has been familiarizing her self with the ability to change wing type and breathing under water for a while. (Because it's not godmode if you can't go everywhere and look good while doing it.)

Bond Name: Tiralle “Tira” (His second attempt to get a royal. At least he didn't try to godmode this one when, surprise, the mods didn't give him one.)
Bond Species: Water dragon
Already Bonded; In-Training

Bond Personality: timid, and shy, always asking questions about things to Karen and Rhyshonn, who she has developed a keen bond with (OTP: Horse/water dragon. omgtheirloveissobiologicallyimpossible.)
Bond Appearance: A beautiful shade of royal blue (I guess he had to throw this in here cause it's the closest he'd get to a royal.) with an almost prismatic quality. When the sun hits her scales, they glint green and purple (Because one color isn't good enough anymore, darn it!).

Example 9: "You're not Japanese." "Hai!"

Persona_Name: Rei Akuma Maigo (Now, this is just my intuition speaking, but even if we HAD Japanese parents in Shadow Star, I doubt they'd name their kid 'cliche female name-demon-noun'.)
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Species: Other (Always a bad omen.)
Other: Changeling / Demon Half Breed (Canine-Wolf) (Demons can shapeshift into just about anything as it is. What's the point of being a changeling other than having the OMG half-breed!1 angst opportunity?)
Loyalty: Neutral (I'm not saying that all demons are inherently evil. Oh, wait, yes I am.)

Appearance: The demon changeling, (which is really kinda redundant) Rei Akuma Maigo (I want to know where he got such a foreign-sounding name anyway, if he's a supposed orphan) is small for a human, standing at 6 feet 6 inches but tall for most humans.(He's small for a human, but tall for most humans. Yeah. Yay for twink logic.) His lean, muscular build is often cause for people and demons alike to accuse him of not being strong. (However, (we all know he's just being modest about it.) the demon blood that flows through his body in addition to his changeling strength allow him to be able to lift great amounts of weight. (When you're good, you're good. I'm of course referring to me, this is bad.) His hair is worn long and his pointed, elf like ears are the result of a witch's curse (which was just a coverup for the meat of the curse, which was incessant stupidity.). His eyes are a glowing amber (Crap, there goes that 'neutral' theory.) and his face is devoid of any hair (No eyelashes = sexy!). His skin is a deep, rich brown color that makes him to appear in the sunlight, almost golden (Silver just ain't good enough, yanno. 24k is the only way to godmode!). He wears a sleeveless, black tunic and black leather pants with a wide red sash belt. He carries two swords, the first a plain, unadorned double edged broadsword that (is about as useful as him) is his primary weapon of choice only because of the fact the his second sword, the Mayou Enjeru is a haunted and intelligently sentient sword capable of great destuction (Just like all the other intelligent swords. For once, I'd like to see an intelligent sword that did jack except mouth off to its owner.). However, Rei (as he likes to be called) (If he's gonna go by a predominantly female name, can we call him Paula?) refuses to use the Mayou Enjeru until his mind can control the awesome destructive power and phenominal mental control that is necessary to wield the Mayou Enjeru (And then he saves the world and gets the blonde.). The History (Channel) of the sword is shrouded in (ennui) secrecy however, it is whispered that the sword belonged to the (nonexistant) Angel of Death and even the name Mayou Enjeru literally translates into Wayward Angel. (And I'm sure everyone would know that, seeing as we have all of zero characters in the RP that speak Japanese. Well, wait. *whistles innocently*) The only jewelry that Rei wears is a onyx and obsidian belt buckle and leather bands around his biceps and his throat (Aww! No pretty pretty bracelets and tiaras for Paula?). Under his clothing, lightweight (also nonexistant) mythril armor and leg armor protects his skin. (Ooh, bread armor! Always useful.)

Guild: Thieves
Rank: (The nonexistant rank of...) Mercenary (Did this guy read anything?)

Personality: Rei is a mostly strong willed, justice oriented person (in the thieves' guild?) but since he has always been treaded badly by demons and humans alike. (And...? So?) Rei was a orphan and due to the harsh treatment he recieved (Apparently some kind of orphan hazing ritual, they all seem to have it), his has developed a seriously hard outer shell, a large chip on his shoulder (Ironically, so has his player!) and a serious (case of wangst) darkside. Normally, Rei is mostly (boring) predictable, trying to remain out of most people's buisness (He did a good job of staying out of ours, with a profile like this.). However, when he draws the Mayou Enjeru, his sense of justice becomes seriously twisted (So does his sense of reality. Hence why he thinks this is a good profile.).

Mother: Rei doesn't know his mother. (Sadness.)
Father: Rei doesn't know his father. (And woe.)
Siblings: Since Rei doesn't know about his mother or father, he is unsure if he has a brother or sister. (And wangst for good measure.)

Biography: Rei grew up in an orphanage in a large urban city. (How many orphanages can one city possibly have? At this point like 20% of the population must be orphans. o_0) Being a half breed and having a very (cliched) original look, he was tormented as a child (Just like every OTHER 'yoo-neek' character out there. These guys should start forming unions or something.). As he got older, one of the older children taught him how to use a sword (Because naturally, orphans have access to such knowledge and experiences, right?) and after five years of training (which is zilch, really), his master (I'm sorry, but some teenage brat 'orphan' flinging around a sword does NOT count as a "master".) gave him the very sword he taught him with and tied a leather band around his sword arm, his right arm. (Dammit, where are the southpaws?) he then told Rei that whenever he defeated another master swordsman (You mean there are MORE teenage brat 'orphans' flinging around swords?), to wear another leather band around whatever limb his used to deliver his final attack. (Why? It seemed the thing to do at the time, I guess. Or maybe it's some form of strange orphan ritual.)

Rei has defeated two, however, he was condemned to die by way of hanging. (For being too godmodey, apparently.) Just as the gallows' trapdoor released, (he had a heart attack and died. The end.) a sword fell from heaven and severed the rope (Not only did that ruin my perfectly good ending, it's unrealistic AND overdramatic!) . Rei then picked up the sword and slayed everyone present. (For no reason except to look "bloodthirsty" and show off bad grammar.) Although he doesn't remember that, (Typical selective memory. Just like you conveniently forgot how I told you to take out the trash, you lazy bum.) he still has the burns on his neck from the hangman's rope (It was on fire? Cool! I wanna be a hangman now.) which he tied a leather bands around his throat and he counts the strange miracle that saved his life as a victory against Death. (Death says you cheated and demands a rematch. Or at least two out of three. Ease up on the guy, you know he sucks at checkers....) He has wandered the planet searching for other masters to defeat and doing freelance mercenary work in the meantime (Oh, good, maybe he'll rid us of all these other mysterious orphans that seem to keep popping up. They're like roaches!).

Pet_name: Glyde (Dydn't you know? Y ys the new I! Nobody uses that sylly old i anymore!)
Pet_species: Wyvern
Pet_description: Glyde is a wyvern, (Really? I didn't see that!) about three feet long. (It's The Wyvern That Ate Cascadia!) Large swirling silver and green eyes (It's like hurl and mercury mixed together.) stare with an unnatural amount of (LSD) intelligence and you can almost see a smirk on the little dragon's face.(o/~ Just teee-eeel your self a jooooke! o/~) A crest of silver horns, almost crown-like (Totally not implying he's noble or special or anything. Totally. Trust me!) protrudes from the top of the dragon’s head. Large fangs protrude the dragon's snout (He was feeling the need to compensate for something, so he robbed a saber-toothed tiger of his dentures and gave himself nose piercings. Hey, it's better than Angie's overgrown nose hair theory.) and a long, graceful neck is curved into a gentle "S." (That's what you get when you mess with the Chiropracter Mafia.) His claws, sharp and dangerous, tap lightly on Rei's shoulder. (Sharp and dangerous claws that never, ever harm his master's shoulders. Though I don't blame him for not wanting a three foot wyvern to actually land there.) A large red diamond, the rare Dragonfyre Diamond (which amazingly, no one has ever heard of! I guess the mods who created the entire RPG need to brush up on their 'Archaic and Pointless Gems' lore. Tsk!) is embedded in the wyvern’s throat (Because breathing is so last era. Duh.) and from his back, silver wings with a six foot wingspan flap lazily ("Why, Glyde, what large wings you have!" "All the better to thwap you upside the head with, my dear."). The wings are streaked with crimson, as is the rest of the wyvern’s body (Because this cliche wangsty profile just wouldn't be *complete* without blood red.). All over the dragon’s body, interlocking black scales, hard as diamonds (He doubles as a tower shield! Except that I don't think he'd be able to move. At all. No wonder his neck's stuck like that!) give the little dragon a strange sparkle. (Jen said it best. "Oh wow. Can we use him as a disco ball at the costume party?")

Bond_Type: None
Bonded?: Doesnt Apply
Royal: Doesnt Apply

(Awww. No godmodey bond to riff? Sad now. :( )

NPC_name: Gustav Locke
Relation: Fellow Orphan and Master Swordsman
Location: Unknown
NPC_description: Gustav Locke was another orphan, and his father was a master swordsman and he taught Gustav everything he knew. (So he's an orphan, but his dad taught him everything he knew. Right. Ghost dads!) Since Gustav never had any (sense) brothers, he taught Rei. Gustav is only going to be used (for sexual favors.) in the beginning in flashbacks (Yay pedophilia!).

(The only thing better than mocking the obvious lack of common sense is taking everything left out of context. liekomgyei! If this hasn't been mocked enough for you yet, check out Angie's version of it.)

Example 10: Darwinism and Duncecapping: It's the NEW D&D.

Persona_Name: Malfaezyon (Why do I have a feeling I'd find this name in my D&D book if I looked?)
Age: 125 (Oh, goody. Can't *wait* for another decade or so when he hits puberty. ._.)
Gender: Male
Species: Other (Danger, danger Will Robinson!)
Other: "Red Elf" (see biography) (See, I TOLD you. That field is never a good omen.)
Loyalty: Neutral

Appearance: Before you (He's really more in the two o'clock position, really) stands a slender elf (I'd like to see a fat elf. Just ONCE.) with blood red skin (Signs of massive internal bleeding, we hope) and long, untamed white hair. His red-violet eyes burn with decades of sad but lost memories (Well, burning them IS a pretty quick way to lose them.). His finely chiseled face (So he's a golem? Yay!) constantly carries a grim expression (You know how your mother told you your face would freeze that way? It's true.). He has two silver earrings, one on each ear (Ooh, punk!elf!). He wears a brown leather vest and a (matching bondage outfit) tattered long-sleeved black shirt. He has a lute strapped to his back, handed down to him from a famous bard (which no one's heard of), now deceased (What is it with these people that all these supposedly famous people they get shit from are dead? I'm sensing foul play involved in this.). On each arm is a black leather bracer (See, my bondage outfit fits right in!). He has a great sword strapped to his lower left side (Uh, you do realize that great swords are at least three and a half feet long, right?). He wears baggy mahogany colored pants, tucked into his leather fur-trimmed boots.

Guild: Other Rank: Bard/Fighter (What's he do, hit them with his harp?)

Personality: Many think Malfaezyon is capable of slitting someone's throat at random (Actually, most people think that's greatly overestimating his abilities), given his constantly death-set expression, but he is a very gentle, kind, and caring elf (Not evil...just misunderstood! *stabs self in forehead*) . He generally helps others in need, even if it requires him to draw his great sword (Actually, it's a slightly on the upside of mediocre sword. But 'great' is shorter.). He loves music, and plays his lute often. (Oh, he hits them with a LUTE, not a harp! My mistake.)

Mother: Unknown
Father: Shiro-Priest-46
Siblings: N/A

Biography: Malfaezyon does not know his past...(You know, you can only see the same wangst for so long before you run out of ways to make fun of it.) but there is a reason behind the color of his skin (Besides that it just looks omg!cool?) and his innate abilities to use flame. Long ago, when he was just a child, and a normal city elf, he was abducted by a sorcerer and alchemist named Nefarius (Gee, I wonder where he GOT that sort of name. I'm sending his parents to remedial Child Naming 101 classes, along with the parents of Angela Serena Katrina Star Zirconia Silver Granger-Yuy-McCartney.). Nefarius delved in the dark arts (Here, we call them Chaosian.), and was powerful, no doubt (o/~ Don't speak, I know just what you're sayin'.... o/~). He killed a (nonexistant) red dragon with his own magic (and boy, I bet that dragon's bonded was pissed! Not to mention the gods....), and infused Malfaezyon with its magical blood and his own magical incantations. The young elf took on the traits of this (again, nonexistant) Red Dragon, and his mind was twisted with evil thoughts and ambitions (Oh, so it was a gargoyle? Because, uh, our dragons aren't evil.). Nefarius used him to wreak havoc upon the land (No wonder Chaos Isle is so barren!), until one day, a well-renowned priest (that, again, amazingly none of us have heard of. Are we just missing memos or something?) by the name of Shiro came and purged him of Nefarius's grip.

(This break wasn't here in the original profile, I just added it to keep my eyes from burning at the giant blob of text. Damn, dude, enter key's there for a reason!)

Malfaezyon lost most of his power, but retained his red skin, white hair, and red-violet eyes (So, he retained the power to be a chick-magnet.). The priest gave him shelter in his home, and each day Malfaezyon would wander over to the local tavern to listen to the soothing ballads of the famous bard, Cantor (Famous bard in local tavern. Uh huh. Why haven't we heard of this guy either? And how come *everyone* this guy knows is famous?) . He eventually learned to play the lute because of Cantor's teachings. Cantor was very old, though, and when he died, he gave his lute to Mal (Malfaezyon's nickname) (Because every wangsty elf needs a cute nickname that should totally be in the 'name' section.). Malfaezyon took his place at the tavern, though the tavern lost much business after Cantor's death (Yes, he did suck that bad.). Eventually, Malfaezyon was joined by a fellow musician named Rakai, who played the harp (Ah, we found the one that hits people with the harp!). Popularity began to grow, and many attended the tavern once again to listen to the ballads of Rakai and Mal, passed down by Cantor. Rakai and Mal have since parted ways, due to the death of the priest Shiro (Mal was devastated at the loss of his guardian, and since left the (nameless) city (Damnit, we do have a map for this kinda thing....). Malfaezyon travels the land at random, hoping to find a deeper meaning in his life (It's 42, by the way.), strumming his lute every now and then, and saving the occasional village from pillaging and/or destruction (It's a hobby. Save the world, play lute in the downtime.). He has yet to uncover his past or his true calling for life (The whole 'hero' thing is just a part-time job, understand?), though music will always be his field of play.

NPC_name: Shiro
Relation: Former Guardian, But Not Father (Which is totally *not* contradicting the 'Father' field above.)
Location: Deceased (So, you're going to be playing a ghost? Because this is really more for characters that, you know, might actually show up.)
NPC_description: Shiro was a priest. (Yeah, I think we established that. Now we need to establish that we don't have priests, except for the Chaosian goddess-worshippers.) No one knew whom or what he served (because priests totally aren't Chaosian like I just explained. And because atheism is the in-thing in SS now.), but he was a powerful healer (You know, we really don't care when someone/thing gets described as powerful. When *everything* is described that way, it starts to make you jaded.) and was good with a mace. He wore white vestments, and steel gauntlets, (Um. Heavy much?) along with a white headband. He had long brown hair, and brown eyes to match (Now, they're both kinda shriveled and corpse-like.). He was a very generous person (Again with the modest superlatives!), and gave to the needy when he could afford to. It is not known how he died, but Malfaezyon suspects it was by means of some dark magic. (You mean like those Chaosian magics I've been hearing about?)

(After being informed that Shadow Star was not D&D, he replied letting us know that he had better places to go and that customer service is number one, don't you know? As a customer service person, let me tell you that this is the same kind of self-righteous jerk we mock when he can't hear us.)

Example 11: Evil trolls are proud to present...THE UBARSUE.

Persona_Name: Lady Sarena Karasu Diamond Hope Tiger Lily Greenleaf-Nailo (Well, if THAT didn't hit just about every naming cliche on the chart...no, wait, she forgot Bloom.)
Age: 16 (Probably the age of the player as well. At least mentally.)
Gender: Female (Given the way the rest of this profile goes, I was half-expecting a hermaphrodite.)
Species: Other (Brace yourselves, now....)
Other: Half-angel, half-demon, half-elf and half-vampire (*death* NOW YOU KNOW WHY I HATE THE 'OTHER' CHOICE. I knew we'd get one of these mathmatically incorrect ones sooner or later...)
Loyalty: Neutral
Appearance: Long strands of crimson ebony drape gracefully around her petite bodice (Crimson ebony. I haven't figured out whether it's red or black. I think I'll just agree with whoever said she was wearing curtains.), over which is layered a milky white covering (I think she means 'skin') of the finest shade of porcelin (So she's made of clay?). Adorning her visage (Somewhere, surely a thesaurus is having to see therapy for this.) are pools of the deepest jade (Swimming pools or betting pools?), contained within large and sparkling orbs.(ARGH THE ORBS THEY SLAY ME) WHen she is upset, the color changes.(...for no apparent reason!) Below them are two scarlet streaks of corpulence and softness.(You know 'corpulent' is NOT a word I would've chosen to describe what I think are lips.) Her breasts are perfectly seated within her corset, (The only article of clothing she seems to be wearing, I feel the masochistic need to point out.) supple and rubbery, (...Rubbery breasts. Come on, kids, let's all jump on the twin trampolines!) with a cavernous cleavage. (She's got a cave in her chest! Complete with stalagtites and green-armored warriors in pillars of ice.) Her lower appendages (tentacles?) are shapely and lengthy, which has caused many a male to (run away!) stray (see?) from his partner. From her deltoids (because 'shoulders' isn't specific enough!) spring forth a pair of elegant prismatic wings (What, she couldn't find a synonym for 'wings'?) in all colors (...and if they're prismatic, isn't 'in all colors' kinda redundant?), falling precisely around her shoulders (over the curtains.) . When she shapeshifts, she assumes the form of beauty perfected (This isn't ENOUGH?), which has led some to call her a goddess (Because Irotana and Tyrea and Chaos just aren't ENOUGH.). Her weapon is the Silver Raindeath, a fifteen foot sword (omgwtf?! It's like three times her height!!) she carries at her side. (...so it's like twelve feet in the ground?) The sword is a legend in itself (A sword that can be carried at one's side when it's fifteen feet long? I'll say that's pretty legendary, indeed!) that is said to have been drawn from Irotana's bosom (So she has a tattoo of a sword on her breast. Nice.) .

Guild: Healer
Rank: guildmaster (please please I really want this!!!!!) (And we really really want you to go away.) oh she's also mage guildmaster too. (Byebye, Jon! Hope you didn't like that office.)

Personality: Although she is stunningly beautiful, exceedingly intelligent, and quite talented, she is very modest about everything (This slays me, literally, painfully, and repeatedly.) and treats everyone with kindness, even Chaosians (Because they're not EVIL, just misunderstood! Just look at all the other profiles here!). Many Chaosians have been converted from evil (Just like that.) and have joined her following (She's making her own cult. Surely there's an OOC rule against this.) from a few sweet words in her melodious voice or the gentle touch of her flawless hand. She can be pushed too far, however, (like every "nice" person can!) and deliver punishing wit down (and thesaurus rape) on her enemies, along with the Silver RainDeath, which can slay any foe with a single touch (Because I know she can be trusted not to auto-hit, right? Right?) and add his or her power to Sarena's.

Mother: n/a
Father: n/a
Siblings: n/a
OtherFamily: n/a (Amazing how this is all n/a, when her parents get friggin' *mentioned* in the background! This makes me want to stabby.)

Biography: Sarena is so beautiful, her worshippers say she was born from the heavens. (Here we have that "modesty" kicking in again.) However, the truth is that her mother was the product of a forbidden marriage between the elves and angels (Wait. Since when is this forbidden?), so she was outcast from the heavens (Because are angels are totally living in the heavens. Except, they're not.). She met Sarena's father, a demon who raped her (Because casual rape is just *so* great!). But, it turns out the Irotana was possessing her in order to have Sarena born (...what? Why? *bleeds from the eyes*). But, it also turns out that the Chaos goddess was possessing him in order to have Sarena born (You know, do yourself a favor and don't try to make sense of this part.). The child was born and almost did not survive (After all this logic-bending wangst, I'm not sure I would, either.). Messengers of the gods were sent to kill the unholy child (So I guess Irotana kept this little possessing thing secret from the other gods. Or maybe she just wanted hawt sechs with Chaos in a roundabout way.), but when they laid eyes upon her, she was so pure and beautiful they could not bear to do it (I can, let me do it. *makes stabbing motions*). They instead sent her away to an orphanage (Like every other poor, unfortunate child whose parents would rather forget she existed.). There, she was made fun of by the other children for being a half-breed. (Because orphans obviously have nothing better to do than make fun of half-breeds and invent strange hazing rituals.) Her only friend was a vampire who she later dated, but he raped her and made her half-vampire as well (How the hell does THAT work? That's even more unexplainable than A~na's birth.). Unable to live with such cursed blood (The demon blood was bad enough, but the vampire was the real kicker!), she went to go kill herself in the mountains (I'm almost at Teen Wangst Bingo, I just need 'transfers into a new school'....) , but was blessed by an encounter with the gods (Who are, amazingly, no longer trying to kill her.). They instructed her that as such a mixed breed, it was her duty to bring both sides together and stop the war of their people (Seriously, they're no longer mad at Chaos. Let's let bygones be bygones! Sure, your people can eat ours, it's a small price to pay.). Her mission set, she went forth in the world, determined to save all her people. (With heroes like this, who needs villains?)

Pet_species: None/other
Bond_Type: Fire dragon
Bond_name: Regille
Bonded?: already
Royal: Yes (Nonono, Steve, this field means you'll accept one if we give it to you. Not that you get one.)
Bond_appearance: A mixture of all the royal colors, (because one isn't speshul enough!) Regille is large enough to crush a mountain, but most of the time he stays small to avoid scaring people. He is big and strong and can also change into a man for when Sarena is feeling lonely (Yes, she means lonely in THAT kind of way. Go scrub your brain with chlorox now.). His orbs (I'm suddenly thinking she means a different set of spheres other than his eyes....) are the purest white, and often glow (Glowing eyes! I knew we were missing something....) with a fierceness that is best left uncrossed.
Bond_personality: He is firecely loyal to Sarena, and will kill anyone who so much as looks at her the wrong way (Given her stated sex appeal, I bet that thins the ranks...) . He is almost (but not quite...Sarena must be the bestest!) as talented and beautiful as Sarena, and they are a perfect match (omgtheirluvissoIcan'tbelieveI'mreadingthisshit.). He is also just as powerful.
Ability: The power to revolutionize the world, (Get out of my fandom. Now. And take Saionji with you.) for good or bad, but since it's Sarena it'll be good. (But of COURSE! Was there *ever* any doubt?)

(To see the full terror and damage this horrible creation caused, check what the Bad RPers Suck community had to say about it.)

Example 12: Goth-Boy And His Magical Growing Vegetable!

Persona_Name: Herbeal (With a name like that, no wonder he's depressed. I'm half expecting to see him in my garden.)
Age: 219
Gender: Male
Species: Other
Other: Half angel, half dragoon (Half-breed. Nuff said.)
Loyalty: Neutral
Appearance: He is 6'3 and weighs about 160 lbs without clothes (And that was kind of more than I needed to know.). He is very skinny (omg de fatz ppl dey scar mi!!1), but is quicker than anything else ever seen (Because it just wouldn't be a bad profile without some form of godmodey power. Besides, everyone knows that the Bard Guildhall's librarian is quicker than anything else ever seen.). His hair is ebony black and falls about his shoulders when it's not tied back (Ooh, yummy. Sorry, but I have a long-hair-on-guys fetish. Back to the mocking now.). His eyes are the sharpest of blue (What color is 'sharp blue'? Can I have the hexadecimal code for it?) and seem to peirce a person straight to their soul (Ouch! My soul! X_@; ). He has multiple scars on his face, hands, arms, chest, and a few on his butt-cheeks (And trust me, you DON'T want to know how they got there.). His skin tone is unusual in a way that it changes colors with his mood (Nah, that's actually pretty cliche. You want weird skin, check out Oddity.). He wears a black, torn up shirt (Dude, we have a thing called 'tailors'. Try them sometime.) that fits his body (Oh, I figured he'd wear a shirt three sizes too small. You know, for the hell of it.) , black pants the hang about his (*choke*) hips with a belt to hold them up. Due to his genetics (Wait, we're trying to apply logic to this profile? BLASPHEMY~), he has one wing that is angelic-like and the other a black dragon wing (Should've just gone with the plot hole...pretty sure genetics couldn't give you that, Dizzy.), both large enough to carry his small body on the winds. He has two peircings on his small lips, four on his right ear and one on his left, as well as two on both ends of his eyebrows (I'm suddenly having a mental image of how piercings were done in the appropriate time age and seeing this guy with a giant tusk shoved through his eyebrow.). He also wears a spiked choke-collar on his neck and a spiked bracelet on his right wrist. The only weapon he carries is his great sword Kalyflou (And in an emergency, he can eat it!) , which has a jaded white handle (Cheer up, handle, don't have such a bleak outlook on life.) and a blade that is 1'3" (...because great swords are totally a foot long. Totally.). It grows in size when he yells out (Thunder! Thunder! THUNDERCATS, HOOO~) "Kalyflou, here my cry and come with me to battle!"

Guild: Smithy
Rank: Wanderer (At least he didn't try and be a master. That is all.)
> Personality: He is very sharp and intelligent, and scrutinizes everything that comes by him. He prefers being left alone because (then I can whine when no one plays with me) no one would understand him and his past (Because lordy knows we haven't a single character in Shadow Star with a tragic/dark past. >_>;). He reads all the time (because sleeping and eating and those things just aren't any fun.), the only time he isn't is when he gets into a fight and unintentionally saves a person in most cases (How do you unintentionally save someone? All the time?). Instead of flying, he would rather walk because (then he can wangst about not flying.) he likes to keep his speed in full capacity. He is easily annoyed when bothered and isn't the kind of person to be around when he is mad beyond human capabilities (What about being mad beyond angel or dragoon capabilities? Since he's not human, yanno.). The only other creature he talks with is his hippogryph.(Which makes for outstanding monologues.)
Mother: Shaki - deceased (She was the mother of an angsty half-breed...now she ded from coke!!1)
Father: Kola - deceased (He was the father of an angsty half-breed...now he ded from Mahja!!1)
Siblings: n/a
OtherFamily: they're all dead (IT'S THE PLAGUE, I TELL YOU~~)
Biography: He was born in Kiridia on a stormy night from a wedlock between an angel and a dragoon (And next week on Shadow Star Soaps, he meets his evil twin, who's married to his half-sister but really loves his best friend.). After he was born, he was then taken to Dynock to be raised by his now wedded parents. When he was 59 years old, he got mad at both his parents (like every ten year old...because yes, on the aging scale, that's about how old he'd be.) and killed them with his bare hands (You know, every now and then comes a stupidity that is so utterly blatant, so lobotomy-like in its ridiculousness, that it mocks itself. Guess what this is?). When he calmed down, he found himself in a cave and not remembering anything (Uh huh. Save your convenient amnesia for the judge.). Later on he found out his parents were killed somehow (because the child-sized handprints on the throats just didn't tell the Patrollers anything.) and was sent to an orphanage to be raised (You knew there'd be orphanages in this.). He never got along with the other children (I'm starting to wonder if there were any that DID) and mostly stayed in his room reading some book. When he was 123, a smithy came along (o/~ And along came Jones...) and decided to train the boy in the arts (Oh, goody, I've always wanted to learn how to paint.). When he was 205, he then left his master (...for no reason.) and is now traveling about. He came upon his sword when he was going through some abandoned mines and found that he was the only one able to weild it (Imagine that! Now what are the odds?...but then again, has anyone else ever tried?). Later on, he comes upon his hippogryff friend, Kethu, when she was badly injured. He helped Kethu get better and they became friends, wondering (why the hell Shadow Star doesn't have Prozac) Shadow Star together and trying to be left alone.
> Pet_name: Kethy (Kethy, Kethu....make up your mind.)
> Pet_species: Hippogriff
> Pet_description: Looks like a hippogriff. (I never would have guessed.) She follows him everyone and keeps him company (Even in the bathroom? That must make it awkward to do your thing.). Even though she doesn't talk, he still talks with her (Can't complain, I talk to inanimate objects. >_>). Sometimes he'll ride her if he's tired of walking and doesn't feel like flying himself.

(Yep, this is yet another one that made it to the great annals of Bad RPers Suck.)

Example 13: Gypsy Princess, Nuff Said

Persona Name:Syeira
Age:19 (Because when I was ten, playing teenagers was all the rage to me, too. But then once you actually become one, you realize it's not as nice as it sounds.)
Sex:Female
Species:Human (No half-breeds. And that is the ONLY thing this profile has going for it.)

Appearance:She's small busted (Well, THERE'S something you don't see on an application every day. Though I do have to wonder why the breasts are getting the very first mention. Not all of us are naughty lesbians, after all. >>) and has long legs her pale skin has a light blush,her corn flower colored hair (Someone's been watching too much anime.) keep in a pony tail,wide blue-green colored eyes,she's 5'0" and 99lb. (I could snap her in half with one hand. D:) Her clothing is always bright, (which is totally NOT color-coordinated with a pale blue shade of hair) red dress with (blood) flower design on it (You're so mundane.) and boots with the same design, and light pink tight.A purple sash around her waist. (And if you thought it wasn't color-coordinated before...)

Guild & Rank:Gypsy Princess (She must've seen that we don't typically give royals out to first characters, so this was the next best thing. Except, since when have we had gypsies?)

Personality: (Oh, look, the cardboard cutout character's personality ran away. D:)

Parents:Father Shea King of the (nonexistant) Gypsy,Mother Bevin Queen of the Gypsy
Siblings:None
Other Familial Ties:N/A

Biography:Syeira was born to Shea King of the Gypsy and Bevin Queen of the Gypsy (Except, she's not.) she's there only child, (Except, as we see in a moment, she's NOT) she's been schooled in the arts of both song and dance, (And my inner guildmaster is insisting HE never approved her for the guild.) her father loved and care for her and thinks of her as his little bird,when she was 14 teen (Fourteen-teen. ME CAN COUNT~) she found she had magical trick as she calls it she could make fire out of nothing. (GASP! NOT FIRE FROM NOTHING! Surely this is speshul!!1) Leaning how to use it she had found her calling in the clan,from far and wide people came to see the fire starter. (Because, you know, no one in Shadow Star uses fire. Especially not the elementals. I'll be impressed only if she can set herself on fire.)

Syeira is now 19 teen (ME CAN STILL COUNT~) and she has mastered the magic (In five years? Must not have been much to master...but then again, if all she can do is start fires...) but she fills theres more but her clan frown on unknown teachings (And we frown on unknown clans.),one night as she walked to her wagon (She smelled the undeniable odor of a plot device.) she over heard her mother and father taking finding out that she sould have been taken to a Guild (Hopefully not any of ours. I'm not even touching all the spelling errors.) when she was 14 teen (ME CAN STILL COUNT AGA-- *is shot*) hearing this she counfronted her mother and father,and they told her that she was defant na dthat (It's her real name!) her mother and father where not her parent they had found her when she was just a baby and her real mother they had buyed (Mmm, child trade! I know where my investment money's going!) and they had fell in love with her they could not have a child so they took her as ther child. (I'm having a strange sense of deja pu: the feeling that I've seen this crap before.)

* * *

Pets
Pet name(s):JiJi
Pet type(s): Wynd
Pet description(s):Brown with black wings. (Well, THAT was exciting and well thought-out.)

* * *
Bond
"Randomized Bond"
Bond name:
Status: Standing as a bond-to-be
If in waiting for a bond, would you accept a royal if we chose you?: Yes (If waiting for a bond, would we give her one? HAHAHA~)
Color(s) & Appearance:
Personality:
Ability:
I All So have Pic for the bio (Great, would've been nice if you'd included a personality too.)

Example 14: Six Paragraphs of Weapons and Two Lines on Appearance

Persona_Name: Katrina Lamaguchi (This mostly cracks me up as I translated that name into 'llama-mouth'. Lesson number one, don't use Japanese names around the Japanese-major mod unless you want them to be taken apart. >>)
Age: Immortal (And yet, she ages so well. You can hardly tell she's apparently as old as time and space.)
Gender: Female
Species: Wylraen Elf
Loyalty: Neutral
Appearance: Katrina was a knight. Her light, fluid steps and the clothing she wore proved this.(And my clunking and slightly waddling steps prove I'm Queen of Chaos. The clothes? Soccer player.) Her armor was as of a brilliant white with a mild bit of relfection to it. (Since weapons actually striking it might damage her precious armor, she just uses it to blind her enemies instead.) Over this, she wore a flowing white jacket, (OVER armor?) also trimmed with silver, that reached to her ankles and closed around her waste (Nice to know she's doing her part for the environment, at least.) by a silver belt.

On her wrists were a pair of silvery blue gantlets which seemed to catch more shadow than light. (But of course, all they have is shadow nets. They need jars for catching light!) They were made of star metal, or meteorite. (You know, science class taught me that meteorites were made of normal, everyday rock, but I guess Katrina sure showed them! Damn the teachers!) The metal could be shaped like clay, (because metal that can be shaped like clay is such a good defensive tool!) the color and appearance changing according to her whim. Currently, the gantlets were covered in the relief form of different animals. The creatures upon it would seem to move as Katrina's anger was sparked. (Because characters just aren't unique if they don't have some sort of super-magical one-of-a-kind personal item all their own!) When they came into play, the gantlets would bind with her white armor, giving it a hint of dark blue and silver. (So, magically shapechanging "gantlets" made of nonexistant metal that wouldn't do a bit of good in a real fight. Strike one!)

Opposing to the white and silver theme was the inside lining of the robe, which was of an olive color. This coloring was rarely seen, (...Olive is a rare color? News to me. And the rest of the mods.) so it was logical that the reasoning behind it was hard to come by. Still, the secrets of the jacket were worth (mocking) noting.

The first was an ability for the fabric to blend into its backgrounds as long as Katirina was standing still and was covered by the cloak. (It goes with the camoflage "Ha! Now you can't see me!" shirt she wears. Over the armor, of course.) This was, in some cases, difficult to perform, but it was there
should she need to hide. (Because otherwise, the armor makes that pretty damn near impossible.) The next was the cloak served as a mild protection from the elements, mostly things like rain, heat, cold. This was so Katrina could move in her armor at any time of the year and still be comfortable in it. (I'd think moving around in full plate all the damn time would be uncomfortable no matter what time of the year it is.) The final property of the lining of the robe was it severed as a sort of bag of holding. (Which, amazingly, we don't have in Shadow Star. Such an oversight on our part, obviously.) Two pockets on either side allowed her to hold a limited number of supplies, and it was mostly used to carry weapons (in ridiculous numbers) she did not (have the physical capability to carry otherwise) wish to show she had, but she carried other items inside the pockets. (So, a "rare-colored" jacket with no less than three enchantments in one. Strike two!)

(And we finally get to what SHE actually looks like.) Her skin has a strange, translucent silvery color, almost as if it holds the moonlight within it. (Because it can't just be, you know, normal skin. Where's the fun in THAT?) Katrina also has eyes that are icy blue, they were able to see very far. (Are we surprised? Nope. Are we gonna allow it? Nope. ^_^) Katrina carried what could be called an arsenal of weapons with her. (There's an understatement.) Experienced in using many different kinds of weapons (because what else have you got to do for the last several millennia but play with sharp pointy objects?), she has taken on a few as her favorites. Her weapon of choice was a mage staff, (despite the fact that she's not a mage, not to mention I'd prefer my main weapon to be something with, you know, what do you call 'em...oh, blades) made of a strong, nearly indestructible metal, (Oh, I'm sure we could find a way to destroy it. ^_^) and then painted to look like wood (Right.). A well hidden trigger on the button released a foot long blade at the base of it. (C'mon, you didn't think it could be JUST a staff, right? So, a mage staff for someone that's not a mage, sword optional. Strike three! But wait, there's more strikes to go!)

Also with her was a scimitar, named Equinus. (Yes, it's a scimitar named Horse.) The blade was enchanted to fight on its own using whistles thrown by the wielder. (Never said it could fight well, thou--OH MY GOD MY ARM YOU CUT OFF MY ARM) The blade will not stop fighting until Katrina drops. (Or until it lops off her head. Which I'm kinda liking.) The blade was made as a companion for a curved dagger Katrina has carried with her for years. This dagger was used to call upon her horse, Starlight. (And yet it's not the one named Horse.) The weapons were created by different smiths, and differences in the quality can be found, but they compliment each other perfectly. (Speaks for itself. Reality? I laugh in your face, Reality!) The sheaths of both weapons were made of polished tortoise shell and decorating them, in raised brass, was a herd of running horses. (You know, I was under the impression that most decorative weapons are just that--decorative, and not very useful in a fight.) The handles of the dagger and the sword are shaped like the head of a horse and this too is made of brass. (At least they're not indestructible, but then she probably just forgot to point that out. Strikes four and five!)

A new weapon to her collection (More like a friggin' armory she dragged along.) was the double-bladed ax, Hiro. The hilt had been laced with metal so it could not be easily cut in two. (Fine, I can cut it in thirds. I'm obliging.) The blade was made of a light, but sturdy Faerie steel (Wow, she must've missed the obvious lack of fae on the Species page. Sure, they all vanished, but left their metal behind.) to give the weapon style and strength. As with most of her weapons, this one was enchanted. (As with most of her weapons, it drove me to drink.) The first was to make the blade more durable, so it would keep its fine edge and the Raptor would not have to worry about it breaking. The second enchantment was that it could double the strength of the wielder while the weapon was being handled. For Katrina, who relied on speed over strength, this weapon
became formidable in her hands. (So, an axe made of nonexistant metal with twinky enhancements. Strike six!)

One of her most devastating weapons, and the one most likely to be seen, was a Victorian style dueling pistol named Dublian. (What? We're in a fantasy/medieval setting? Oh. My bad.) The weapon was reformed from a powerful cane (...and how does one make a *gun* from a *cane*?) that the Raptor (Who is this Raptor, why do we care, and what twinkery does he bring?) came into possession of recently. The pistol was solid black in color, but, various detailed engravings in it show off the true silver nature of the weapon. (...black silver. Don't worry, for the sake of my brain I gave up trying to apply any remote logic to this already.) The weapon was an alloy of a strong metal and silver, but a spell had been placed on it to make the gun and its bullets indestructible.(Shock and amazement, IT'S INDESTRUCTABLE~) The bullets themselves were given powers derived of the cane. Any being, other than the Raptor and her (flunkies) heralds, who touched the weapon or was struck by the bullets would be taken over by a great wave of fear and then have their life force stripped from them. (Why the wave of fear when they're going to die? Because it's just insult to injury if you have a corpse that peed their pants.) There were ways out of this, (Not really. She's just saying that to make your death less embarrassing.) but Katrina did not encounter resistance's against the element of pure fear often. (Fear is an element? The Chaosian elementals are going to be all over that.) There were other powers in this deadly weapon, (If you're surprised and you know it, desk your head! *thud* *thud*) but only Katrina could reach them. (Strike seven, but this is deserving of, like, five strikes by itself.)

Occasional, Katrina could be found with a finely made Elven composite long bow. (Because what D&D elf can resist the cliche of the longbow?)Made of a golden colored wood and carved with intricate leaf designs, (Legolas called, he wants his bow back. Oh, and he adds that no, he's NOT fathering your children.) it was primely used in war to shoot enemies from a distance. (And here I was just using mine to thwap people upside the head.) She was not well known for her ability to shoot a standing target. (She shot them lying down, instead. Because you know she can't be bad at anything.) Probably bad luck was blamed for this one, but she did try in the various archery tournaments she had been in. Still, her skill with the bow in the middle of a massive battle could not be underestimated. ("Oh, I suck, but not really!" Because I know EVERYONE becomes better shots when there's mass chaos and confusion and a lot of other people getting in the way. Strike....strike...what strike am I up to now? I need some vodka.)

(My final question about all this lovely compensating description is, how many rich relatives did she bump off to get all this swag?)

Guild: Other
Rank: i am not in a guild for now (But, she WAS a knight! *speshul sparkles*)

Personality: I have basically described it in the appearance list. (Now stop making me type, my hands are full rubbing my e-penis.)

Mother: Kari Dukkering: She was killed during a Battle when Katrina was a mear Infant. (I want to know why she has a different name from her mother, especially when....) Father: Katrina does not know who he is.
Siblings: She does not know of any siblings because when she was able to leave her homeland, (...which isn't Shadow Star?) she left everything behind.

(That does it, I'm totally petitioning to have leaving parts of profile right out = auto-reject.)

Pet_name: Starlight
Pet_species: Horse
Pet_description: As stated above with the weapons' list, (Ah, so you're admitting it's not an appearance description at all like it's supposed to be, huh?) the horse headed dagger was able to call upon her horse, Starlight. (And now Rainbow Brite's all "OMGSTARLIGHTYOUTRAITOR") This Arabian stallion was of a light gray, almost white, color and was very deserving of his name. Using the light of starts on clear nights, the horse was able to travel great distances in a very short period of time. (Even the horse is a twink-fest. Will to live...fading....) At other times, Starlight was able to travel swiftly over land without tiring quickly. Nearly as chaotic (neutral) as Katrina, Starlight loved the thrill of battle and eagerly charged into any engagement in his path. (Bet he loves the war mares more.)

(See two twinktastic profile riffings for the price of one!)